Eyes wide open...

You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection

Buddha


After writing about my feelings on Saturday I received a lot of messages from people wishing me well and indeed volunteering to help fundraise. All of this brought a real smile to my face. These are the things that keep me going. Humanity is a wonderful thing and the power of sharing can never be over emphasised. This platform has been my saviour these last few months and the fact that others can gain a little insight about how best to deal with their own healthcare is a great feeling. I was reading an interesting article last week about why people blog in difficult times, especially when grieving. I am grieving, for the life that I have lost and so I could relate to this article. It basically said that it is a way of coming to terms with your situation and in a way it makes it real but manageable. This is all true. For me it is also about sharing and making people more powerful through knowledge.

Another thing I would like to share today is a practical tip for people going through chemo. As we all know the chemo leaves you in a bit of a state on so many levels. Hair loss is a big thing for many. I have already blogged about the whole wig issue, but the other aspect of hair loss is that all of your hair comes out. Now this is great when it comes to throwing away the razors for legs and underarms but not so great when you have no eyebrows or lashes. This has been the worst bit for me, in my first chemo and this one. Eyebrows and lashes are pretty resilient and take a while to come out. As a result for one round of chemo its not so bad. By the time they fall out the regime is almost over, thankfully. I remember when mine did come out that I felt like an alien, I was seriously ill in hospital at the time though so I didn't ponder it for too long. This time as I am on my current chemo indefinitely and am now in month 8 of it the eyebrow/lash loss has been a bit more of an issue. So today I am going to have my eyebrows permanently tattooed. A friend of mine introduced me to a lovely and very qualified girl who is doing it for me. She has a nursing background and this gives me even more faith in her. She is keen to cater for women who like me have lost their hair due to chemo. Obviously this is a procedure that many people get for cosmetic reasons but for some of us it goes a little deeper. I already know some women from clinic who have had it done and it really helps to make us feel better about ourselves in an already difficult time. This is not my most pressing issue (that would be staying alive) but it is one that raises its head. Therefore I am glad to be taking action today. This might be published as a way of letting other women know of what's available to them during chemo, so yes it looks like I am going to be in the newspaper again, this is becoming a habit! For some women it will be irrelevant. for others not, so they have the choice. I know that for some health conditions, this is available on the NHS. Women with alopecia are offered it, but as far as I'm aware it is not readily available to cancer patients. I suppose this makes sense for those going through one treatment, the transient cancer club members, but for others who are living with metastatic cancer who now have chemo regularly it is perhaps something which should be looked at.Again, I think that this is an issue which has been raised but I don't have all of the facts. It is another example of the things that we don't think about but should. Without any doubt how we look is way down the list of what's important and when facing all of the challenges that we do, we end up with more beauty within than we could ever have hoped for, but all of the small details of fighting cancer can end up culminating into a rather large psychological battle and as we all know we have to tackle the small things to stop this. So I am going for my procedure today and will keep you posted of the outcome. These things are the small steps on the big journey, feeling normal and above all else taking control in an otherwise unpredictable life with cancer.