It's a new day

Why do so many of us not give ourselves permission to be alive until we are absolutely assured that we will die? ...If we are not in [this present millisecond of life and conscious experience], we are not alive; we are merely thinking our lives.  Yet we have seen so many die, looking back over their shoulders at their lives, shaking their heads and muttering in bewilderment, "What was that all about?" 

Stephen Levine

I have managed to get through what was a very tough week. Every day last week I woke up with a sinking feeling that made me want to stay in bed with the covers over my head. I didn't want to face not only the day ahead but my life in general. I got through this by reminding myself that I must live in the day and accept how I am feeling. I have talked a lot in this blog about taking one day at a time and the virtues of it. I had lost sight of this philosophy temporarily and it unnerved me. I had to keep reminding myself of it and despite struggling mentally (and subsequently physically) continuing to remind myself, did eventually bring me back to some feeling of equilibrium. My mind is powerful. It has the power to change my entire existence. Last week I sank into a depression. I couldn't stop thinking about my future and the limitations of it. I was no longer focusing on my recent positive news. I was projecting and homing in on the bad stuff. This is damaging and it crippled me. I believe that when your mind is in a dark place it manifests itself in your physical wellbeing. I have written about this before and I actually re read some of my own blogs for inspiration. My body aches at the moment, that is a fact. I  have undergone a full regime of chemo and the after effects are evident. In particular arthritic symptoms are wearing me down. Every joint hurts, even my toes. However this morning I got out of bed, still with the same pain, but with a different mind set and the pain is much more manageable. I have a full day planned and I am feeling good. I have tricked my body into feeling better through positive thinking. I have gradually built my self up over the last few days to a better place through tackling small things and interacting with more uplifting experiences. Just spending a couple of hours on Sunday evening looking at new research into my type of cancer helped me. We can't change the past, we can't predict the future but we can enjoy the moment. Today is a much better day thanks to remembering to take one day at a time.