A Mother's Love

I haven't written for ages. Is there a reason? I don't really know. All I know is that I am grieving for my mum and I don't know how to get past it. I miss her every minute of every day. She was such  a massive part of me wanting to beat this shit disease and without her I honestly don't know how to feel. I saw the pain my mum went through during all of my diagnoses and I just wanted to make it better for her, to somehow ease her pain. and so it was vital for me to fight to stay alive. This is also true for my daughter but its different because an eleven year old deals with things so differently and much as the thought of leaving Olivia fills me with horror, she processes things differently from adults. My mum was my support while simultaneously being my reason to keep going as I knew she couldn't cope without me. Now that she has gone I am definitely struggling to make sense of things. I am more scared than ever.