More wrinkles please...

In youth we learn; in age we understand.

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

I turned 42 today. I felt I should give it a wee mention. In 2011 I was awaiting my 40th birthday with a strange feeling. I remember being quite fixated on the idea of it. I discussed it with my friend who had turned 40 the previous year. We pondered the whole notion of what we decided was the year that you realised that statistically you had lived half of your life (well statistically depending upon where you live, the life expectancy post code lottery and all that). I wasn't sure whether or not I was buying into a culture obsessed with age or if I was just feeling more mortal, having lived half my life. Either way, I look back on it and laugh, kind of. How arrogantly, beautifully, optimistic to expect to live to 80 or thereabout. Today I celebrate my birthday with a very different perspective. I now WANT to be old. I want wrinkles (more wrinkles), I want all of the things that modern society dread and do anything to avoid. More importantly I want to see my daughter become an adult, I want to see grandchildren and everything else that we take for granted. The reality is that I most probably won't. Despite this I get to enjoy turning 42. I'm not burdened anymore with the anxiety that age brings to many. It's great. Each birthday that I have from now in will be a blessing, a bonus. I shared a post on facebook earlier which many will be familiar with about people wanting things (more money etc) when a cancer patient wants basically not to have cancer. I believe in the sentiment behind it and thus shared it, however I also believe that everything is relative. Just because you don't have cancer doesn't mean your worries and issues aren't a big deal to you. On the other hand wishing our lives away wanting material gain and striving for the perfect body or whatever it may be, does now strike me as a bit of a waste of time. Being caught up in the fear of ageing is to my mind the biggest waste of time. Age is experience, it's wisdom, it's empathy, it's compassion it's "getting it". Without people around us who have aged where would we be, who would guide us? I would love to be able to guide others and in particular my own child, for many years to come. If this means lines and sags and bags then fine. I will embrace them because every one of those lines will be testament to having lived. I really want to live.